On 13th December 1983, he saw the first instance of ‘Death’ in his life.
The eight years old me, who so far heard about this last truth of life, saw it beforehand, on 13th December, the day, I lost my grandpa.
Today, 28 years later, when I think about that day, I still wonder how it happened? The old man, who finished reading a fairy-tale story for me, moments before, went for the journey of no return. How?
If I had to put my experience in words, I would say, I was shocked. I was shocked because, the man who was the only closest person I knew then; the man who was the only known companion to me, for playing in the field and believed to stay so forever; the only man then, to patiently listen to all my silly questions & complaints and then offer the solutions; turned into past within seconds.
I was sad, because the man, who made me fall in love with trains, boarded a train that will never stop at my station.
I was dumbfounded too. I was amazed to see, how the long vermilion line parting my grandma’s hair and corresponding big vermilion spot on her forehead, had gone forever. I was surprised to see how a person, who could not imagine her meal without a fish preparation, could give up eating all her favorite non-vegetarian cuisines overnight. I wondered how a woman could change her rich attires to plain white cloths suddenly, after her man deceased.
For eight years old, these questions had no answers. Neither had I anyone, like my grandpa, to answer my entire list of how’s’? However, this incidence set a fear in my heart, the month December comes only to take someone close to me.
This fear turned permanent, when 24 months later, on 9th December, I lost my father. This time my shock was less but the feeling of loss was more. As I grew older, this fear of loss has grown along me.
With passing years, I saw, heard and experienced many deaths. I also know the scientific reasons behind deaths. However, the feeling of loss and experience of seeing someone die, for the first time in my life, still keeping me wondering… How? I strongly believe that the month of December, is the month to decease.
In 2009, as the month December was drawing to its end, I encountered death by myself. On that day, I survived a major car accident; the near death experience made me realize that the death is grey in color and sound proof. It was an experience of peace and tranquility, where no bodily feelings been felt.
My surveillance of that car accident developed a belief in my heart that when someone dies, he/she turns deaf, sees grey in eyes and experience no physical senses. It is a supernatural experience, which I had for brief of seconds, on that day.
I am waiting for that special December day, when I will experience it forever.